Success and achievement are two completely different things. I’ve achieved one or two things but career wise I’ve never managed to get into my ideal job. I thought I did at one point but I was given the Alan Sugar treatment and that left me feeling a bit phased for a little while afterwards. In what I have done I have been fairly successful, that is, appreciated for unskilled work. It’s nice enough but I feel like I’m going to waste.
I had a job interview yesterday but at the moment I’m not holding up much hope about it. I was nervous about it and it showed. I was as honest as I could be. I had a task to do during it but but I didn’t complete it. They had been running late, I’d sat in reception for half an hour before they were ready for me, I was the last to be interviewed and they wanted to go for lunch. I walked away feeling like a jerk, but hopefully my website will carry me through a little. If nothing else, it gave me the motivation to shine that up a little. I know I was only up against another 3 people, so 4 of us altogether. That’s better odds that I’ve had previously, where 32 people went for 1 post (I came in 3rd, no medal, no cigar, but that’s because part way though I’d decided it probably wasn’t for me and didn’t sound as desperate maybe as some of the others).
During question time one of the questions threw me.
“What have you done recently that made you proud?”
Um…
Proud is something I don’t usually feel. I have had it hard-coded into me that I don’t have a lot to be proud of, and that pride comes before a fall, and that pride is fairly stupid. I didn’t say that of course, I picked an example from a while ago that made me happy. I do the things that I am compelled to do, that I feel the need to do, because they would annoy me if they were not done! They don’t always get me anywhere but at least I have a go.
Speaking of which, the annual Glammies show is next Friday. GCADT are moving from Glamorgan Uni. to Cardiff UWIC, to the Atrium so in effect it is the last Glammies show. I’m torn between signing up and taking the day off to go along and meet everyone again to catch up because I do like my old friends even though I don’t get to see them that often, and not showing up through utter embarrassment at never having managed to get to where I wanted to be. That happened on a previous occasion and there was a point where I had to go out and get some air (hide because I was about to start blubbing). I’m actually scared by it. I’m a wuss, aren’t I?
